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A gas station attendent goes up to a futon salesman and says:
Do you have any futons that run on unleaded?

What do you call it when 367 robots are chasing 143 pounds of mashed redskin potatoes?

fucked up

Two goldfish are on strike and one goldfish says to the other:
When did being a fish become so complicated?

What did the ceiling fan say to the vibrator?

I wish I had your life

What did the candlemaker get when he was late for the dentist?

wax teeth

Did you hear about the candlemaker who made candles?

he made candles for a living

What does a cellphone and ping pong balls have in common?

They both come with 500 free minutes